HOW TO REVIVE YOUR DYING CAREER
How To Remain Relevant:
It's HARD out there in this bizness. You have to constantly have the public's attention, but the Public has an extreme case of A.D.D., because when something better comes along, you will be forgotten. ESPECIALLY if you're untalented (Cassie, hey girl HEY). Don't fret, my loves, Jazz is here, and I'm gonna give you some tips that will revive your dead career, and remind people, that your unskilled behind is alive and well!!!
1) GET IN SOME GOOOOD DRAMA! If there is no drama surrounding you, MAKE SOME UP! Omarion and his back up dancers can try this tip, because I think people are forgetting you (Not me, Omarion and Friends 4 Lyfe!). Start beefing over TWITTER. Over pettiness, of course, someone talk about someone's baby hairs, and then someone else's failed attempt at a clothing line. Keep this up long enough, your names will be spreading across the blogs like wildfire!
2) Leaking nude pics and sex tapes are IMPORTANT when your career is in jeopardy. NOTHING IS BAD PUBLICITY, just pray that your nude pics won't get overshadowed by a SLIGHTLY more talented chick than yourself leaking nude pics a few days later! (Sorry Cassie, GOOD TRY THOUGH!)
3) Steal something, drive drunk, do something completely wreckless (beat up your girl!), and take a vacation at your local county prison! This has a beautiful bonus, because when you come off from your penitentiary field trip, you are fully equipped with knowledge to make a hard gangsta rap album. Or gospel. But gangsta rap pays more, ESPECIALLY if you're not a rapper to begin with. KA-CHING!
4) DO SOMETHING DRASTIC, I.E. Dye your hair BLUE (or Blonde, Milian, I see you girl!), marry a midget, get in a fist fight in front of a club, talk wreckless on Twitter, etc. Ohhh, the press will be on it like white on rice baby, white on rice!
5) HAVE THE PAPARRAZZI ON SPEED DIAL! This is very important when you are doing the drastic #4, because when you're getting in that fight, you NEED TMZ to be there, or all of your bruises will be futile attempts to get noticed, and you don't want to public to KNOW you're desperate.
And Jazz, signing out, reminding all my famous-for-nothin' folks, to stay relevant, or get a real talent! Blessed day!
7 comments:
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THESE ARE SOME GOOOOOOOD TIPS! lmao =D
Anonymous says
lmao I agree. Amerie, what are you doing? I know what you're NOT doing ^^ these things
Angie says
(Cassie, hey girl HEY).
fucking DEAAAAD!
senorita pink panties says
LMFAO @ number three. this formula is pure genius
Ashanti says
(Sorry Cassie, GOOD TRY THOUGH!)
DEATH! omg. love it.
Deezy says
SIXTH!
J-Mac says
Wow. I laughed. Like. Out loud. That's hilarious. Hope someone takes a tip.